Fever
Past
I remember once when I was a child
I was lying in my cradle
My sleepy eyes gazing upon a newfound world
Curiously
Courageously
The world seemed a perfect place
A place of harmony
A place of growth
And so I traveled to see more
To learn
That was the first time that I saw the beast
I stared into its eyes
Into those horrible horrible eyes
I wanted to run
But my feet would not let me
I wanted to scream
But my voice could not let me
The will of the beast ruled all
And finally
It decided to walk away
In silence
It would return to me during the nights
To haunt me in my dreams
Always standing in the distance
Looking at me
As if it wanted to talk
And finally
It did
I saw it more frequently now
It would follow me around
It would whisper words in my ears
I would listen
I would obey
And finally
We became as one
United in our horror
I am old now
And weak
The beast has lost its interest
So have I
So I quietly go to bed
Quietly watching
The beast, standing quietly above me
Until finally
I fall asleep
The beast lies down beside me
To sleep
In silence
I remember once when I was a child
I was lying in my cradle
My sleepy eyes gazing upon a newfound world
Curiously
Courageously
The world seemed a perfect place
A place of harmony
A place of growth
And so I traveled to see more
To learn
That was the first time that I saw the beast
I stared into its eyes
Into those horrible horrible eyes
I wanted to run
But my feet would not let me
I wanted to scream
But my voice could not let me
The will of the beast ruled all
And finally
It decided to walk away
In silence
It would return to me during the nights
To haunt me in my dreams
Always standing in the distance
Looking at me
As if it wanted to talk
And finally
It did
I saw it more frequently now
It would follow me around
It would whisper words in my ears
I would listen
I would obey
And finally
We became as one
United in our horror
I am old now
And weak
The beast has lost its interest
So have I
So I quietly go to bed
Quietly watching
The beast, standing quietly above me
Until finally
I fall asleep
The beast lies down beside me
To sleep
In silence
rododendrondalen
"The gift that she gave was given to be given away"
I have been away, traveling the world, watching the people, seen things grow and die and I am at peace.
Anyway so I currently work as the world's bitch, it seems. Fate is fucking me with all kinds of diseases and setbacks, I won't make a list now, but you may all solemnly pray for my health. Pray to the Gods of No Quarter.
Yesterday I went to a massive outdoors area and watched a couple of guys I know, play their first session live.
Their name is "Rododendrondalen", and they are insane.
Guys, trust me enough to know that I am not a licker of butts.
I was in psychedelic transe the whole time that they were playing, one hour to be exact. It was one of the best moments of my life and it hurts to even think about it. I cried a little. Holy goddamn.
I am going to film them, the next time they're on stage.
The king of the seasons, will give you the reasons to be
The king of the seasons, questions the reasons to see
I am the kiiing
the kiing
of the seeasons
I am doomed
adieu
I have been away, traveling the world, watching the people, seen things grow and die and I am at peace.
Anyway so I currently work as the world's bitch, it seems. Fate is fucking me with all kinds of diseases and setbacks, I won't make a list now, but you may all solemnly pray for my health. Pray to the Gods of No Quarter.
Yesterday I went to a massive outdoors area and watched a couple of guys I know, play their first session live.
Their name is "Rododendrondalen", and they are insane.
Guys, trust me enough to know that I am not a licker of butts.
I was in psychedelic transe the whole time that they were playing, one hour to be exact. It was one of the best moments of my life and it hurts to even think about it. I cried a little. Holy goddamn.
I am going to film them, the next time they're on stage.
The king of the seasons, will give you the reasons to be
The king of the seasons, questions the reasons to see
I am the kiiing
the kiing
of the seeasons
I am doomed
adieu
ambig
I thought that maybe I had changed. I thought that MAYBE for once in my life, I was on the right path. But it turns out that everything is the same as it always was... the same monologues, the same headaches, the same worries
an immobile blob of putrid FUCKING shit.
I thought I was different, yet they treat me the same. All of them. Not even good enough for mother's milk, they said. Where will that take me now?
A new era will begin? No, the era will just continue
Just keep going in this insane fucking rut...
Slowly rotting away... thoughts gnawing on my brain
I need to cleanse myself of this POISON
disgusting
yet so wonderful
an immobile blob of putrid FUCKING shit.
I thought I was different, yet they treat me the same. All of them. Not even good enough for mother's milk, they said. Where will that take me now?
A new era will begin? No, the era will just continue
Just keep going in this insane fucking rut...
Slowly rotting away... thoughts gnawing on my brain
I need to cleanse myself of this POISON
disgusting
yet so wonderful
truthpick
Yesterday. The day of yeast. The day of unfathomable unfathomability. The song remains the same, as do we. As do we.
Anyway, I've been thinking. I was sitting on a train scribbling some cartoony drawings ( I can't draw shit) all depicting some controversial stuff, and I thought to myself: Fuck the TipEx, man, fuck the rubber gum. Our first intentions are what matter, not some edited bullshit. We must follow our instincts, swim along the stream. Fuck correcting mistakes and who's to say that it’s a fucking mistake anyway? If something's written, chiseled if you will, into a paper, than why should one attempt to hide oneself? To delete a part of oneself. But it's what we do, isn't it. We correct mistakes, always. We hide ourselves. We only show them what we want to show them, keeping the real Self bottled up inside. Don't be honest, and we will never notice. Peter and the wolves. We will never know what are lies and what is truth, all we can do is act thereafter. And then lie, thereafter.
I have some work to do before it's done. A couple of setbacks have struck me. Either way, I'm hopeful. A new era, a new beginning, always brings with it hope and dreams, wherein lies the true joy.
adieu
Psychedelic highway
Jurakian foces have bested me. I'm dead; dying; and from my remains a new dawn shall rise, a new tide will spring. But first, they must force in the final and fatal blow. Finish me off, already, you scum.
I wonder how it feels
I wonder if this world dissolves and all that I thought logical dissappears
I wonder if it will make me free
I wonder because I now that I will never experience it.
I am far too weak
She asked me today: What is the world? How do you feel about it right now?
I feel as though I'm sitting in a confined room, talking to a psychologist. A psychologist who has recently found out about some child hood trauma of mine, which I had blissfully forgotten. And it is as though she is plling out all these nasty horrible memories from the past and I shout that they are all lies and I try to escape down my blissful little box but THE WORLD just keeps haunting me, hunting me... Run
Adieu
I wonder how it feels
I wonder if this world dissolves and all that I thought logical dissappears
I wonder if it will make me free
I wonder because I now that I will never experience it.
I am far too weak
She asked me today: What is the world? How do you feel about it right now?
I feel as though I'm sitting in a confined room, talking to a psychologist. A psychologist who has recently found out about some child hood trauma of mine, which I had blissfully forgotten. And it is as though she is plling out all these nasty horrible memories from the past and I shout that they are all lies and I try to escape down my blissful little box but THE WORLD just keeps haunting me, hunting me... Run
Adieu
pigs in a wagon
What the fuck. Visions toying with me. Dreams mocking me, crowding me and beating me. Oh chrjst I must get the fuck out of here. Holy crap..
The same question regarding happiness and ignorance can be applied to time. Either we enjoy something so much that time literally starts flying, but the awesome moment passes quickly. Or the long and extended time, in which you think and usffer. Either you have all time in the world, but you live FOR the clock, or you have no time, but you enjoy the milimoment that you get.
Both are as pathetic, both are as rel.
I'm a shiny rainicorn floating in the sky
How I wish I could paint,.. Crap
Adieu, friends
"nuumber twooo, I'll do annything for youuu"
Adieuuuu, number twooo
The same question regarding happiness and ignorance can be applied to time. Either we enjoy something so much that time literally starts flying, but the awesome moment passes quickly. Or the long and extended time, in which you think and usffer. Either you have all time in the world, but you live FOR the clock, or you have no time, but you enjoy the milimoment that you get.
Both are as pathetic, both are as rel.
I'm a shiny rainicorn floating in the sky
How I wish I could paint,.. Crap
Adieu, friends
"nuumber twooo, I'll do annything for youuu"
Adieuuuu, number twooo
Pilgrimage
Jesus Christ! I'm an Atheist?!
Anyway, so this is Micolus reprting from the turbulent turmoil of the summer break. We all know how that goes, eh? Drifting from one place to another, without cause or direction, seeking thrills and fun, returning dissapointed and worn out. Hah, I come off like I'm some sort of vagabond traveling from one forsaken town to another.
In my own sense, I am, though. Everyone have different ways of making time go faster. Different ways of pushing time forward and leaping towards death. But in the end, everything we do, is essentially done to somehow make us cease our awareness of time and space.
TV-trance.
The choice is simple: Be too stupid to know what happiness is, or be aware of it but never experience it.
Yes yes it's an old concept, but it doesn't hurt to think about it sometimes.
We are wired not to kill ourselves, though. We are programmed to hope, to dream, to envision the future positively.
When am I going to take the time to write about "The Derivative of Life"
Oh, there's so much strength in this world to muster.
I'm off to a pilgrimage now. A voyage to the distant land of Marieton.
Adieu, my fellow humans.
Adieu, my fellow tortured spirits.
Let us show those daemons! Let us Rebel!
Adieu
Anyway, so this is Micolus reprting from the turbulent turmoil of the summer break. We all know how that goes, eh? Drifting from one place to another, without cause or direction, seeking thrills and fun, returning dissapointed and worn out. Hah, I come off like I'm some sort of vagabond traveling from one forsaken town to another.
In my own sense, I am, though. Everyone have different ways of making time go faster. Different ways of pushing time forward and leaping towards death. But in the end, everything we do, is essentially done to somehow make us cease our awareness of time and space.
TV-trance.
The choice is simple: Be too stupid to know what happiness is, or be aware of it but never experience it.
Yes yes it's an old concept, but it doesn't hurt to think about it sometimes.
We are wired not to kill ourselves, though. We are programmed to hope, to dream, to envision the future positively.
When am I going to take the time to write about "The Derivative of Life"
Oh, there's so much strength in this world to muster.
I'm off to a pilgrimage now. A voyage to the distant land of Marieton.
Adieu, my fellow humans.
Adieu, my fellow tortured spirits.
Let us show those daemons! Let us Rebel!
Adieu
ignoránce
Everything we do, we do because we want to achieve something. We have an imagined state of being in our heads and we strive to reach it. Be it reaching for the sandwich, or applying for a new job. So, in doing, we try to change our current persona, or state of mind. Thus, a rock, for example, is perfectly content. It is also inanimate and cannot think (at least in the manner that we do). This, my friends, is why ignorance is bliss. For wisdom grants us the awareness of "more".
The grass is indeed greener
always
adieu
The grass is indeed greener
always
adieu
Bella Fucking Swan?!
Hell no! NONONONONO
Fuck
I just realised that the girl who played Em in Adventureland was Bella FUCKING SWAN!
Jesus Christ. The fucking harlot of the godforsaken Twilight-saga..
FUCK
Nevertheless, nothing shall take away her performance in A-land. I've never seen a youthmovie with such depth and charisma. I really loved it. But come on..Bella Fucking Swan?
How cruel does this world get...HUH?
Illusions SHATTERED...
A weedie awesome deep damaged WOMAN -> whiney teenage HOLLOW EMPTY VOID OF A"HUMAN"
[oh and by the way, they're eating weed-cookies.... WHY DID YOU SELL YOUR SOUL D: ]
adieu
Fuck
I just realised that the girl who played Em in Adventureland was Bella FUCKING SWAN!
Jesus Christ. The fucking harlot of the godforsaken Twilight-saga..
FUCK
Nevertheless, nothing shall take away her performance in A-land. I've never seen a youthmovie with such depth and charisma. I really loved it. But come on..Bella Fucking Swan?
How cruel does this world get...HUH?
Illusions SHATTERED...
A weedie awesome deep damaged WOMAN -> whiney teenage HOLLOW EMPTY VOID OF A"HUMAN"
[oh and by the way, they're eating weed-cookies.... WHY DID YOU SELL YOUR SOUL D: ]
adieu
Drama
I saw this movie just now and it got me thinking...
I crave drama. Drama! I envied their emotions, their passion! Why can't real life be like that, I asked myself, as I imagined me standing there instead of those actors. Why can only our minds conjure such passionate moments of true feelings, of honest tears and twisted screams.
For we do feel. We do, at times. When we're alone, sitting by our computers, we sometimes may feel. When we're walking down a lonely street, we may feel. But in the company of others, we act. Or at least that is what I have perceived thus far. The only drama in this world is fabricated for drama's sake. I've done it, several times, both jokingly and in serious situations. All the while being too focused on acting to succumb to my emotions. Once, did I truly fall into the beautiful abyss of drama, but then I was far too confused to let it shine through..
I want THOSE feelings, THOSE emotions. No gray zones, no anxiety, no apathy. I want pure fucking blood flowing through my veins filling me with genuine HATRED and humble LOVE. But alas, we do not live in the realm of movies. We live in a gray and hollow world. We live in a world where our minds paint the nature rather than the other way around.
I want to be a fictional character. I want to starr in those lovely movies.
Drama is rejected and considered ridiculous in our society. It is strictly against the norms to be torn apart by our inner selves, and so we bottle our feelings up. But we may not even do that in a dramatic way, no, it's not the scenario where the lone man "sucks it up" and goes on a journey to never come back. We are far too dependent on other people's fucking PITY in order to do such dramatic things. No, we bottle it up, until we cannot feel it any longer. We swallow it and we smile, and we slowly fall apart.
Oh fantasy, bring me with you! Let me ride freely on your wings.
Let me feel.
[ The movie I was watching was "Adventure Land". A youthy movie. Same thing with this as with "Funny People", they made me feel so much outside of their own worlds. They brought out real emotions within me. Real memories. Real tears. ]
adieu
I crave drama. Drama! I envied their emotions, their passion! Why can't real life be like that, I asked myself, as I imagined me standing there instead of those actors. Why can only our minds conjure such passionate moments of true feelings, of honest tears and twisted screams.
For we do feel. We do, at times. When we're alone, sitting by our computers, we sometimes may feel. When we're walking down a lonely street, we may feel. But in the company of others, we act. Or at least that is what I have perceived thus far. The only drama in this world is fabricated for drama's sake. I've done it, several times, both jokingly and in serious situations. All the while being too focused on acting to succumb to my emotions. Once, did I truly fall into the beautiful abyss of drama, but then I was far too confused to let it shine through..
I want THOSE feelings, THOSE emotions. No gray zones, no anxiety, no apathy. I want pure fucking blood flowing through my veins filling me with genuine HATRED and humble LOVE. But alas, we do not live in the realm of movies. We live in a gray and hollow world. We live in a world where our minds paint the nature rather than the other way around.
I want to be a fictional character. I want to starr in those lovely movies.
Drama is rejected and considered ridiculous in our society. It is strictly against the norms to be torn apart by our inner selves, and so we bottle our feelings up. But we may not even do that in a dramatic way, no, it's not the scenario where the lone man "sucks it up" and goes on a journey to never come back. We are far too dependent on other people's fucking PITY in order to do such dramatic things. No, we bottle it up, until we cannot feel it any longer. We swallow it and we smile, and we slowly fall apart.
Oh fantasy, bring me with you! Let me ride freely on your wings.
Let me feel.
[ The movie I was watching was "Adventure Land". A youthy movie. Same thing with this as with "Funny People", they made me feel so much outside of their own worlds. They brought out real emotions within me. Real memories. Real tears. ]
adieu
Cognitive ejaculation
That's all there is to say really.
Football is Life
"Football is life"
My father told me that once. And in this very moment, he is teaching the next generation the very same lesson. Football is not just a game, he says, football is life.
It was supposed to be an epic clash between two football giants. Two world cup winners facing eachother. The two remaining Gods of football after Brazil's and Italy's failures. Only one would survive this clash. Only one was supposed to do it, but alas, fate taught us otherwise.
Argentina VS Germany
Or rather, Germany VS Any random team.
On the field today fought only 11 giants, not 22. Only eleven winners
What was supposed to be an epic football fiesta turned into a dark and cynical massacre.
Germany scores their first goal two minutes in.
A cheering Angela Merkel stands and applauds her soldiers.
1-0 turned into 2-0
3-0
4-0
Argentina and Maradona were massacred today. Massacred by the cynical axe of the Germans.
It was sense vs sensibility all along, and as usual, sensibility prevailed.
The Deutsche Machine would not falter and this time, they're going for it all.
Sense must once again shed tears, while sensibility continues their cynical struggle to the top.
German football - Cynicism
Football is life, he says. And today I felt it. I felt those familiar feelings of defeat. Those nostalgic failures and chaotic mistakes. The drama of the past, the drama which I've been craving for so long, finally returned.
I was 12 years old and I watched as Real Madrid were defeated by Arsenal in Champions League.
I cried. Not because of the game itself. Not because of the players. Not because I had any logical reason to do so. But I did, because the strength and passion that this sport possesses made me aware of my own failures. My own mistakes. My own losses to the cynical machines. My own Argentina losing against the Germans of the world. My sense, once again losing to my sensibility.
Fuck.
I must hope that the German machine goes on to CRUSH the verminous Spain in the semi finals, because if those Spanyard FUCKS go on to the final, I shall kill myself.
Go Netherlands!
Argentina, see you in four years... you did good. Goddamnit, you did good.
Football is Life
adieu
My father told me that once. And in this very moment, he is teaching the next generation the very same lesson. Football is not just a game, he says, football is life.
It was supposed to be an epic clash between two football giants. Two world cup winners facing eachother. The two remaining Gods of football after Brazil's and Italy's failures. Only one would survive this clash. Only one was supposed to do it, but alas, fate taught us otherwise.
Argentina VS Germany
Or rather, Germany VS Any random team.
On the field today fought only 11 giants, not 22. Only eleven winners
What was supposed to be an epic football fiesta turned into a dark and cynical massacre.
Germany scores their first goal two minutes in.
A cheering Angela Merkel stands and applauds her soldiers.
1-0 turned into 2-0
3-0
4-0
Argentina and Maradona were massacred today. Massacred by the cynical axe of the Germans.
It was sense vs sensibility all along, and as usual, sensibility prevailed.
The Deutsche Machine would not falter and this time, they're going for it all.
Sense must once again shed tears, while sensibility continues their cynical struggle to the top.
German football - Cynicism
Football is life, he says. And today I felt it. I felt those familiar feelings of defeat. Those nostalgic failures and chaotic mistakes. The drama of the past, the drama which I've been craving for so long, finally returned.
I was 12 years old and I watched as Real Madrid were defeated by Arsenal in Champions League.
I cried. Not because of the game itself. Not because of the players. Not because I had any logical reason to do so. But I did, because the strength and passion that this sport possesses made me aware of my own failures. My own mistakes. My own losses to the cynical machines. My own Argentina losing against the Germans of the world. My sense, once again losing to my sensibility.
Fuck.
I must hope that the German machine goes on to CRUSH the verminous Spain in the semi finals, because if those Spanyard FUCKS go on to the final, I shall kill myself.
Go Netherlands!
Argentina, see you in four years... you did good. Goddamnit, you did good.
Football is Life
adieu
Indeedities and the Age of Micolust
King Micolaeus: Forces of the Micolan Empire, I command you to return!
Greedy General MicoLust: Haha! My lord, your word means nothing in this place. HELL REIGNS HERE. CHAOS. So, my lord, it would be best for you to return to your safe little capitol where you can waste the days on meeting with the fucking nephews, we have got a war to wage, my lord.
K. Micolaeus: How dare you speak to your Lord the King in such a manner? Guards, kill this impostor!
Chief Guard Armic: My lord, I apologize.
King Micolaeus body resides deep within the Mountains of Wrath now. Forever asleep. One with the Great constant. Oh Great King Micolaeus, your benevolence will be missed. A dark era has begun, The Age of MicoLust.
So anyway, I was taking a walk yesterday around two or three a.m, and I noticed something horrible. There I was, in the middle of the night, the beauteous night, and I was surrounded with fucking people. In every other goddamned window shone the deceitful blue lights of the TV-screens. On the streets roamed drunkards and night travelers. The fauna consisted only of boring tame ass animals such as cats and hares. Not that I have any problem with them, it's just that they symbolize the decay of nature. My point? I wasn't fucking alone. What is this, the night used to be my domain, my fucking empire. I could walk around and sing and dance, and now (let me add that I was in the fucking suburbs of a small town) I'm surrounded with idiot people. What the hell. The day is full of them; children, old folks, pregnant women. And now they're gonna take my precious night away as well. What a fucking theft...
IT WAS MY NIGHT, GODDAMIT.
IT WAS MY DREAM
MY BELIEF!
and it all went to FUCKING HELL...
What was I talking about?
adieu
Greedy General MicoLust: Haha! My lord, your word means nothing in this place. HELL REIGNS HERE. CHAOS. So, my lord, it would be best for you to return to your safe little capitol where you can waste the days on meeting with the fucking nephews, we have got a war to wage, my lord.
K. Micolaeus: How dare you speak to your Lord the King in such a manner? Guards, kill this impostor!
Chief Guard Armic: My lord, I apologize.
King Micolaeus body resides deep within the Mountains of Wrath now. Forever asleep. One with the Great constant. Oh Great King Micolaeus, your benevolence will be missed. A dark era has begun, The Age of MicoLust.
So anyway, I was taking a walk yesterday around two or three a.m, and I noticed something horrible. There I was, in the middle of the night, the beauteous night, and I was surrounded with fucking people. In every other goddamned window shone the deceitful blue lights of the TV-screens. On the streets roamed drunkards and night travelers. The fauna consisted only of boring tame ass animals such as cats and hares. Not that I have any problem with them, it's just that they symbolize the decay of nature. My point? I wasn't fucking alone. What is this, the night used to be my domain, my fucking empire. I could walk around and sing and dance, and now (let me add that I was in the fucking suburbs of a small town) I'm surrounded with idiot people. What the hell. The day is full of them; children, old folks, pregnant women. And now they're gonna take my precious night away as well. What a fucking theft...
IT WAS MY NIGHT, GODDAMIT.
IT WAS MY DREAM
MY BELIEF!
and it all went to FUCKING HELL...
What was I talking about?
adieu
